Objective:
Equip partners, friends, and family with actionable, compassionate strategies to support a neurodivergent loved one’s need for solitude—especially during meltdowns/shutdowns. Foster mutual understanding while preventing resentment.
Therapist Script (Read Aloud to Supporters):
*"Supporting someone who needs emergency solitude isn’t about ‘fixing’ them—it’s about creating safety. These guidelines will help you:
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Respond without taking it personally 🛡️
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Provide practical support during/after meltdowns 🤝
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Balance their needs with your own boundaries ⚖️
This is a team effort, not a one-way sacrifice. Your needs matter too 💙."*
Psychoeducation for Supporters:
1. What Your Partner Experiences During Meltdowns/Shutdowns 🧠⚡
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Neurological overwhelm: Their brain is in survival mode (like a computer crashing).
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Physical pain: Noise, touch, or light may literally hurt.
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Communication shutdown: Words often fail—this isn’t rejection.
Key Insight: Solitude isn’t avoidance—it’s first aid.
2. How to Help: Do’s & Don’ts 🤗
| Do ✅ | Don’t ❌ | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Respect pre-negotiated signals (e.g., hand gesture, code word) | Demand explanations mid-crisis | Explanations require cognitive effort they don’t have |
| Offer silent presence (if wanted) or give space | Try to ‘cheer them up’ or problem-solve | This adds sensory/emotional load |
| Text instead of call (post-crisis) | Take their need for space personally | It’s about regulation, not rejection |
| Ask how to help before crises | Assume what worked last time will work now | Needs vary by situation |
3. Supportive Phrases vs. Unhelpful Ones 🗨️
Helpful:
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"Take the time you need—I’m here when you’re ready."
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"Do you want space or quiet company?"
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"No rush to respond. Just checking in."
Unhelpful:
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"But we barely saw you this week!" (Guilt-tripping)
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"What’s wrong now?" (Invalidating)
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"You’re overreacting." (Dismissing)
Practice Tools for Supporters:
1. "How to Help" Cheat Sheet 📋
During Crisis:
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Step back unless asked to stay
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Turn off lights/music if possible
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Use pre-arranged nonverbal cues (e.g., thumbs-up = "I’m here if you need me")
Post-Crisis:
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Wait for them to initiate contact
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Offer water/food without pressure
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Ask: "Would a hug, space, or distraction help most?"
2. Partner Self-Care Reminders 🌿
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Their meltdown isn’t about you.
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You’re allowed to feel frustrated—but process it later.
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*Set your own boundaries too (e.g., "I can give space for 2 hours, then need a check-in").*
Joint Reflection Prompts (For Couples/Friends):
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"What’s one thing I do that helps you feel supported during solitude? What’s one thing that unintentionally makes it harder?"
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"How can we both get our needs met in this dynamic?"
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"What’s a reassuring way to reconnect after time apart?"
Validation for Supporters:
"This is hard work. You’re not a bad partner for struggling with this—what matters is showing up with curiosity, not perfection 🌱."